Courage
…not the absence of fear or despair, but the strength to conquer them. How very often I have needed and prayed for courage! How many times I’ve spoken the truth, though everything trembled. So many changes made and new starts embarked upon that would have been impossible without it. I can’t say where it comes from exactly, but it seems like with everything else, the more it is used, the stronger and more readily available it appears to be.
Growing up in a fear-based religious environment strengthened my commitment to NOT make decisions based on fear. 2020 has been a real test and I’ve been particularly grateful to have developed that habit. It’s said the opposite of fear is love, which rings true to me. So leaning towards that in my choices, I’ve been led. Like everyone, I’m a work in progress with lots of areas still to bring more courage to bear. Writing (and putting it out there) is one way I work on building it up. Being authentic, open and honest takes courage, and I find opportunities for that many times a day.
A quote that inspired me as a teenager was from Andre Gide, “Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore.” When I went back this year to the village I grew up in, after 30 years away, it was extremely moving to see how remote and humble those beginnings were, and reflect on all the life I’ve lived and places far and wide I’ve seen since then. Having found the courage to move on from there, reach out for resources along the way, and make my way through all the changes since, filled me with deep gratitude. Growing my courage to cast off the labels, limitations and assessments of others and follow what I knew to be true in my heart felt like a gift of grace. Whenever the future seems daunting and I wonder how I can persist, I think back to all I’ve already come through, or been brought through, as the case may be. It’s been quite a journey, and I feel better equipped all the time.
Even though by outward appearances I have been seemingly alone through most of my life, I have found support when it was needed most. Sometimes it came from outside myself, and quite often from digging very deeply within. There’s so many treasures there in all of us, often unexplored. Though it requires some courage, taking a “fearless and thorough inventory” (at least once) is so liberating, and letting go of what no longer serves makes space and vision for new oceans of all kinds.
