Finding Comfort in Ambiguity
When faced with change and uncertainty, it can be challenging not to be restless about outcomes. Sometimes faith in oneself can ebb, and all else really, lies outside the realm of control. It can at times be hard to (continuously) let go and rest in not knowing.
It’s comforting for some to look for certainty in culture or religion to provide answers and explanations. Some of those are rigid, while others allow for more mystery. I was raised in a rigid environment that was very prescriptive and every question had one correct and detailed answer. There seemed to be no end to the answers someone had come up with as the end-all and be-all authority. Challenging authority was discouraged or suppressed to preserve the status quo and illusion of certainty. Acknowledging the existence of ambiguity, much less dealing with it constructively, wasn’t modeled for me.
Yet, I could never get rid of my doubts and follow along, as I just didn’t see how they (ANYONE) could be so sure they were right. I found so much good in each cultural and religious path I explored, and practiced focusing on the beauty and connection I found. I took what I could use and left the rest (the dogma), as I could not get past the presumption of claiming such detailed knowledge of vast, supreme consciousness, or assuming the right to tell others how best to live.
Still this need to have answers (the “right” answers) was deeply ingrained, and letting go of outcomes (and judgements) has been an ongoing practice; one that’s proved very rewarding. Especially when those who are held up as having the answers continue to disappoint, and when radical change and uncertainty are everywhere.
Tuning in to grace, beauty, intelligent design, the good and generous in others, and so much all around to be grateful for and in awe of, brings me comfort and confidence and a sense of joy. It reminds me of so much in life that is good, so much that has been overcome, so much to look forward to yet. I don’t know all the details of what lies ahead and all the steps I need to take. I don’t know every challenge I’ll encounter or the strengths I’ll build as I prevail. I don’t have a storyline and a cast of characters, though there are so many to choose from.
But where this may have caused anxiety in the past, it is liberating today. It’s exciting and full of possibility. I trust my beloved and impassioned life to continue surprising and challenging me. And I trust myself to valiantly, with growing resilience, navigate toward my continued betterment, shining brighter and loving more.
