Initiation
I’m being formally inducted into my parent’s stringent spiritual community, with the same obligations of an adult. But I’m eleven. Somehow they’ve determined I have the intelligence and spiritual maturity to commit to a chosen faith. Fast forward a couple of years, and I don’t think or feel the exact same way as I had at eleven years old. Surprise! In fact, I’m questioning a lot of things and figuring out who I am. This is very unsettling for everyone around me. Maybe to that you can relate. To them it’s too late, I’ve decided. Once and for all time. I cannot go back on it or change my mind without dire consequences that will cost me my family and ultimately my life and connection to Source. They have themselves convinced and they wish to convince me too.
Many fears and insecurities are projected. In such an isolated, close-knit community, which many consider a cult for its practice of excommunication, rumors and misunderstandings are dangerous. Within a short period of time, “brothers and sisters” are questioning with misguided scorn my gender identity and nature of various friendships. Could so much laughter and mirth exist in a platonic friendship? Apparently not in their estimation. The imaginary cases building.
The harm inflicted on many, young people in particular, in these communities is truly reprehensible. I’ve known numerous victims of physical, emotional and mental abuse in this spiritual “community” and the process of leaving threatens more bullying behavior, extending to family members as well.
I believe it will take some time to soften the hardening of the heart towards them for their words and actions that made my parents cry and for turning a blind eye to tragic abuse affecting my neighbors. Will I recover from the heartbreak that my parents don’t know me better or back me no matter what. Many have known this pain.
Fast forward much further now.
Knowing the freedom of forgiveness and perspective and having the tools to disconnect from triggers has been priceless. I’m grateful for this, and all the experiences, with their gifts. Facing those things gave me a fearlessness and commitment to myself that serves me very well. I am still learning and exploring all the time and thankfully have come to appreciate even the lowest moments and craziest quirks in my past for what it has taught me and where it has brought me.
